THE REVEAL

Even if this young man isn't your personal dream fantasy, I find the photography for this upcoming spread in Freshman magazine, well... an uplift?
Maybe it's the sultry fantasy of a looming cyclone that does a number in my loins,
dunno...

Note that this youthful hero isn't a frustrated hairdresser who just can't stand to leave Nature's beautiful, full man-hair un-primped or razored off.

The idiotic trend was actually started by prissy pussy possessors in porn mags for chicks like Playgirl, methinks because many babyfy their men as much as they can and reason,

"If I'M gonna fuckin' wax it, HE gets to wear the Hairless Chihuahua!"

–Alas, a given number of them deny their men a well-executed blow job anyway.

ARE YOU A COMPULSIVE HAIRDRESSER?

WHY DO WE HAVE PUBIC AND PIT HAIR ANYWAY?

At puberty we start to grow secondary hair –one shaft at a time– for two real purposes (not just for no reason) perfected over millions of years of our evolution.

Firstly, secondary hair announces to the world that we're now ripe for sex, but more importantly, it serves as a perfect wick to broadcast our masculine pheromones off into the air, subliminally turning others on in our proximity.

Don't undermine the sheer magnetic power of what Nature has taken eons to perfect by thoughtlessly shaving it off for some trendy fad –nor in the hopes that it makes your junk look bigger.

If you want to do that, just lightly trim back the few hairs that hide the base of your dick and leave the rest intact to allow your body do its very efficient advertising.

You can, however, subtly augment your natural pheromone production level by applying one of the latest-generation male sex pheromone sprays to your secondary hair and skin. The scent is warmed naturally by your body's heat and moisture and stealthily wafts up and out of your trousers, shirt collar and sleeves for hours, supporting your own natural output.
I've found one that really does seem to work. It's specifically marketed for "Man-2-Man" but I personally don't see why it wouldn't positively effect members of either gender that are attracted to males. To me it smells very subtle and unobtrusive so you don't smell like a boar in heat as the older ones used to smell. It's a brand called Cedramone Extreme. Online at Cedramone.com The shipping is discreet, so no one needs to know you're beefing up your own attraction.

But whatever you do, please inform your buds that partaking of the Hairless Chihuahua Fad eradicates a large chunk of a man's subliminal, potent and virile advertising.

–Zack

SOME MALE CANDY

These last ones have been Phil... All of 21.

Who was the homo who invented the jock strap?
They do for a man's butt what high heels do for a woman's legs.

The Tom Ford Snatch Shoot

A call went out –that means a casting call to models' or actors' agents– sometime last winter by e-mail that must have caused the smallest twitch within the halls of the famous Ford Modeling Agency (no relation to Tom Ford, of course) and whatever other agencies are Class A rated for their camera and runway beauties of Manhattan. It's been a few years since I've "gone out" on calls (always as a man; you wouldn't want to see me in drag), so I no longer know the major players, but it's all the same.

A call sheet is issued by a casting director or directly by an advertiser who has already brought a photographer on board. It's basically a want-ad sent by internet to all major agencies, assuming the budget is there. (For this particular casting, I'm sure it was there).
After years of this sort of thing, I can tell you just about verbatim how it read. This is not fiction:

To Ford bookers:

Were needing a female age 18 MINAMUM up to mid 20s. She MUST be TOTALY COMFORTABLE with COMPLETE nudety. Face WILL NOT show so does'nt matter. We need a torso from thighs.. basicly knees.. to and including breasts & throat that will be seated. Breasts will be FEATURED parts in one version of ads so we need the kind of good big type that penthouse men love please, but natural... no stiff silecone boob s. Nipples will always be covered. We need NATUARL blonds as there can be NO TRACES of body hair at all. Peubic area must be waxed COMPLETLY. No apendix scars, etc, etc. NO dark stubble or razer rash. Plse check with your girl's about this and make absolutely SURE before their sent in to audition. Vagina will be always blocked by the product... which is a soon to be internationaly released cologne by a major name which we are not at liberty to divulge yet. Obviously this add will make a stir when released and so must be kept VERY TOP SECRET...I MEAN ON PAIN OF you no what!
A couple other pointers that complacate this casting a bit g. All submitions must be very LEAN!! I'm saying skinny like ZERO % fat around the midrif and thighs so thier is NO pooching at all when their sitting. Pretty belly buttons, plese. No outies. ZERO TATOOS, NO, NO PEARCINGS AT ALL!!! Check for the tiny belly button types please The girl needs to have theighs that don't squooch together or better still don't even touch when she sits with her legs uncrossed and knees point strait forwards! The hard part with this of course that the girl needs to have large PLAYBOY type boobs as they will be featured in about a half the foto session. Lastly ..I know Im asking a LOT here people.. but the model also needs to have SEXY, CLEAN hand model type hands. This is also VERY important since she will be fondelling the product as well as covering her nipples w/ her hands. NO NOBBY NUCKLES or stubby fingers! Studio can use press on nails, but she should have senuous lythe long fingers that can carry them off.

Well I think thats everyting. Bookers must try to get a look at the girls before just sending them in. This will probaly be a VERY large cattle call, so please be choosey, but be aware because she may be the one with the planer face. Sorry even tho this is a Leibowiz shoot we CAN'T say their will be ZERO MEN on the set. But Leibowitz takes notoreusly good care of her models so no worrys there ok?

For the casting make SURE ALL girls wear a MINIMLE THONG. Some might be asked to remove it. It will be (probably a long) whole day shoot. Rate is triple day rate plus 20. NO EXCEPTIONS!! TOTAL UNLIMITED time buyout since face will NOT show. Please don't send any wall flowers, people. They need to have a very OUT going girl who won't get up tight with a lot of people fussing with her while shes nude.

I think thats evrything in a nut shell.

Ford... your girls have the time slot thursday may 10th, from 1:30pm to 6pm ONLY! because Martin said they will lock the doors promtly at 6 at Leibowiz's studio. Shoot date is expected to be the following week. We think wedensday but I will email you all the exact details this afternoon or tomorow. There will obviusly be no whether hold for this as it it an inside studio shoot.

Any questions, call me, but I think I covered it all.

Thank all of you as usual,

Brenda Jo Chong (and Mack says hello to Dora, btw)

Wednesday afternoon arrives and the Ford Girls start trickling into the famous studio where most of them have never set foot. All are quite savvy, having done a lot of jobs, but this audition seems slightly tacky somehow. There's a bit more chattering in the holding room hallway than usual, but all reassure themselves that this photographer is so world-famous and also a woman. However, they've all been briefed by their booker that this interview might be tantamount to a gynecological exam. The unspoken concern is that usually the photographer's assistant handles the audition photography. As the young women come out one by one from their turn, a few roll their eyes ever so slightly or poke their tongue softly in their cheek, but word is that Annie is taking the test shots herself and that there is something set up kind of like a hospital curtain. One 19-year-old gapes and whispers that she was only holding a tiny calling card while sitting for her dead-silent test photos.

Finally a full week rolls around. Because of Ms. Leibowitz's packed schedule, the shoot date gets changed from Wednesday to Thursday.

Now, any photo shoot worth its salt consists of a photographer, an assistant or several, a very nervous art director constantly checking the monitor, a hairdresser, a make-up artist and a highly creative and an inventive being called a stylist with an all-seeing eye trained to note the very latest of everything in pop trends. Annie hired a trusted and very experienced woman for this unusual gig. Maxie has boundless energy and has done just about everything a 48 year-old single woman can cram into a 27-year career. The stylist procures props and arranges them; she is the one who pokes, pinches, safety-pins, Scotch Tapes, spritzes glycerine on the models, pampers, uses duct tape and fishing line by the yard to tuck things out of sight, anchor pant legs to the floor, etc. She makes things defy gravity, like a man's necktie or a woman's skirt flying in a fake breeze, slits open the butt seam of Gucci miniskirts for models who've added a pound or two, presents the photographer with choices of chairs, beach balls, table settings or just anything you can dream of. It's actually a really good, non-boring job for the right kind of personality. It requires long hours, ingenuity, endless inventive shopping and store returns. And a big car.

This gig confronted Maxie with a different and brand new hitch. She's totally up to it, but just a tad uneasy. She spent a couple hours yesterday sitting naked in a cold kitchen chair she'd dragged to her bedroom mirror. She had with her six different pancake flippers, "the product" and some industrial sized spoons she'd bought that morning. Her challenge at the shoot would be to gingerly get a 4 oz. bottle of cologne to look bright and attractively translucent and at the same time seem held in place by the model's thighs flush against her shaven twat. Maxie must have it function flawlessly this morning or there will be no end of embarrassment and downright panic in the studio.

Below is the frame the client ultimately chose. There was, of course, some Photoshop work done to it, but Maxie's heroic magic is still evident to anyone who looks long enough. It took some time to get it just perfect; she had done her homework well.

In the method she finally decided upon, she first affixed the heavy cologne bottle with transparent shipping tape to the back side of a cheap rectangular pancake flipper cut down to size with tin shears. Then she bent the metal handle to an extreme angle so that she was sitting flat upon it. Several strips of trusty duct tape secured the handle to the chair under her naked derrière. The flat shaft of the flipper got tucked into her outer labia –and voilà, there stood fully erect a beautifully reflective bottle of Tom Ford's mediocre scent as if suspended in place by her thighs. The model would have her hands free to cover her nipples without fear of slipping or losing the hero cologne bottle from between her oil-spritzed thighs.

Eight o'clock on the dot, Janice, clad in army fatigues, strides into the studio with her i-Phone jammed in her ears, a half-consumed carrot juice bottle in hand and a floppy nylon bag strapped over her shoulder. She's a fearless pro. Thank the lord no ends-splitting heat rollers or Covergirl bullshit today, just a rapid manicure followed by catty polyester nails perfectly lacquered a Real Man's shade of crimson. Final touch: Dripping loads of baby oil spritzed from a plastic bottle. Maxie leads her swiftly across the studio to the already-lit and specially rigged stool. Janice tosses aside her baggy man's dress shirt and nimbly straddles the spatula thingamajig, then gracefully adjusts her lips with her blood-red nails just as if she'd done it a hundred times before.

The names are fake, but I swear the rest is absolutely true.

From the New York Post...

MY HEART THROB (Brokeback Mountain) Blue Eyes Jake can't even shop for skivvies without some of us creaming – including one New York Post editor.

JAKE Gyllenhaal is way beyond the simple choice of boxers vs. briefs. A shopper in Bloomingdale's underwear department recently watched the "Brokeback Mountain" star with a salesman "combing through every style. A good 10 minutes later, Jake was still at it, holding up a pair of tight white briefs that he'd pulled out of the package to examine, as if he'd never seen tighty whities before in his entire life. It was hilarious. He looked very confused and had a furrowed brow. He was examining undies like an anthropologist in the city's most highly trafficked department store."

Now something about perfumery...

The smell of musk is ubiquitous in colognes, toilet waters, eaux de parfum and perfumes. It's generally the "perfumey taste" that gets into your mouth if you happen to touch your lip with something "perfumey". It's always mixed with other ingredients. Even the so-called "musk oils" (like White Musk, Japanese Musk, etc.) are composed of mostly other ingredients. Musk odorants don't smell particularly strong unless they're part of a formula where they can shine forth powerfully.

Originally, there were only two natural sources. By far the best musk since antiquity came from a tiny deer Moschus moschiferus, family Cervidae (order Artiodactyla). A shy animal, the mini-deer lives in mountainous regions from Siberia to the Himalayas. It has large ears, a very short tail, no antlers and, unlike any other deer, a gall bladder. Grayish-brown with long, coarse, brittle hair, the musk deer stands only 50–60 cm or 20–24 inches. The male has two little fangs. The musk gland is found only in adult males. It's a sac located between the genitals and the umbilicus or navel, and its secretions are most likely used to attract mates. The gland exudes a scent so valuable that these diminutive creatures have been driven nearly to the point of extinction. They are now protected, but heavily poached nonetheless for their musk pods.

The musk gland produces a number of closely-related large-ringed molecules, mainly muscone. It seems the main factor in producing the odor is a large ring of carbon atoms, like a big floppy string of pearls. Muscone is a ring-shaped ketone. Other macro-ring molecules can have a similar odor, such as double ester rings and some lactones, which are by definition rings. The existence and molecular structure of muscone was made clear in 1923 by the Nobel Prize winner Leopold Ruzicka.

The one and only other natural source of this special aroma comes from a little black seed shaped like a miniature bean. It's called ambrette seed and is the product of a flower in the hibiscus family. The East Indians have used them for centuries to flavor their coffee. The benefactor in this case is a large-ringed lactone called ambrettolide. It coexists with a lot of fatty acids and nut-like flavorants. The lactone is quite hard to separate, so the resulting aroma falls far short of the very costly animal product. Ambrette seed is the only source of musk-like aroma available to "natural" perfumers ...unless they don't mind carving up the diminutive musk deer. Nowadays, pure synthetically produced ambrettolide is a very highly valued musk ingredient in perfumery.

In the last two decades of the 19th century, actually the real beginning of the age of organic chemistry, a German scientist, Albert Baur was studying organic "nitro" compounds in a search for new and more effective explosives and stumbled on a nitro-compound that curiously mimicked the velvety-sweet, enveloping smell of musk. It became known as Musk Baur and within a couple years a whole series of related so-called "nitromusks" were invented which changed 20th century perfumery radically.

From about 1890 until approximately 1990 nitromusks reigned supreme. In the first half of the twentieth century natural musk was still sparingly used, but it became more and more supplanted by the nitros which were dirt cheap and easy to manufacture.

From the 1920's through the 1940's the structure of natural musks gradually became elucidated and eventually synthesized, but in the beginning decades the processes used were tedious and inefficient making these mostly nature-identical chemicals nearly as expensive as natural musk. But the price of the natural material kept climbing, leading to more and cheaper synthesis procedures which today have resulted in a wide range of musk replacements, many of which are quite beautiful, even if they mostly still lack the side-note of "animal down-and-dirtiness" or "vibrancy" the original source possesses.

The Nitromusks Become Dinosaurs.

Environmentalists got on the nitromusks' case perhaps in the mid 1980's. Musk ketone, the last hold-out, is not toxic as far as I know although some related nitromusks were apparently shown to be somewhat neuro-toxic. However, none of the nitromusks are biodegradable. I've never read of any specific harm caused by them, but they were accumulating steadily in lakes and rivers, albeit hardly from personal fragrances. Consumption for these products is minuscule by comparison; musks are used in gigantic volumes in floor-cleaning products, laundry detergents, soaps, lotions and numerous other industrial products. I personally don't know if today's much-used Galaxolide or Tonalide decompose any better. One day the environmentalists may zero in on these and others as well.

I'd wager that Galaxolide, along with Tonalide, have become the main industrial replacements for the nitromusks. Nitromusks are no longer manufactured outside of China and, I believe, India.

As a perfumer, I keep musk ketone on my workbench and have absolutely no qualms about using it. In my opinion, a person dropping one cigarette butt into a sidewalk gutter is far more polluting than all the musk ketone I could ever use. Plastic tampon applicators litter the beaches here in Los Angeles, miles from the sewage processing plants. Birth control hormones and antidepressants taint water in most cities. Nitromusks were used for over a hundred years, so I don't concern myself with any toxic effects. Being a Baby Boomer, all the Ivory Soap I was bathed in as a toddler was loaded with it, shampoos and acne medicines as a teenager... and eventually I and everyone else my age splashed it on in Jade East or English Leather all through our high school and college years.

IFRA, the fragrance industry's own self-regulatory body, currently recommends drastically reducing and eliminating the use of musk ketone in all consumer products. I find it arbitrary and probably unjustified compared to a lot of other chemicals in use. But someone decided to finish off the nitromusk industry and the manufacture of it. A reduced amount still has noticeable effects on a fragrance's signature and has made some other famous fragrances unreproducible. Major makers of several older and still popular fragrances who promise to remove all nitromusks nonetheless continue to hold out.
See Procter & Gamble's current stance at this page: www.pgbeautyscience.com/musk-ingredients.html

The same, but different

Next to come will be a different men's cologne snatched up (and I mean snatch) with more eye-popping naked sex and it's every bit as revealing –or more?– than my own MONK fantasy. But first, let me tell about this ho-hum fragrance's daddy.

Having worked in the fashion/advertising industry for many years, I just have to ponder how a for all practical purposes "X" photo shoot proceeded from pre-casting to fruition. The men's cologne's pretend creator is Tom Ford, a highly successful media bloodhound and dashing, photogenic gay fashion designer, an emission from the House of Gucci. Before I go on to the next post, I just have to show an obviously turned-on Tom Ford fluffing Brokeback Mountain's heart-shattered hero Jake Gyllenhaal for a Vanity Fair photo shoot.





Notice Jake looking slightly worried about Tom fooling about down there for a loooong time while celebrity photog Annie Leibowitz waits indulgently:






Jake still doesn't look any too relaxed with this queer Tom's foolery –now with his T-shirt sleeve being diddled with á la James Dean. Notice it's now a white T-shirt. Maybe horned-up Tom helped him change?


For all my prattle about Tom Ford in the above-pictured scenario, I feel obliged to admit that I'm shamefully envious of his ability and ballsiness when it comes to garnering press for his hundreds of times rehashed fragrance, et al (just as I'm giving press to him now). I design truly unique niche fragrances and am utterly unknown.

As long as I'm fessing up, I'll admit that I hold a big, fat torch for Mr. Gyllenhaal, who is way too young for me (read: unattainable, what's worse). I still have to tell you about Ford's fragrance and its campaign. Stay tuned.

The color of MONK

One of my favorite books is The Name of the Rose by Umberto Eco. Eco's prose is intelligent and totally spellbinding, but the movie that was made after it was a major bomb for good reason, even though it featured Scotland's ultimate and unsurpassed James Bond.

My eau de parfum, MONK, is designed for any and all genders that have an appreciation of things carnal as well as sublime. It's deep and dark and bespeaks of centuries of hushed secrets in the walls of a European monastery scriptoreum, anno 1375 AD.

The highly fragrant smokiness of frankincense, myrrh, Ethopian civet, oakmoss, rare ambergis, birch tar oil, tabac and linden blossom commingle with rod-hardening and animalic musk.

The sensual effect is of a black-robed, hooded, bearded and shamelessly virile tempter with far more knowledge of the flesh than he would ever let slip between his rosy lips.

Here are two pictures of him ...I like facial hair on men... Now I ask you: Wouldn't you enjoy either being this rock of ages or perhaps feeling his overripe, dripping sexuality against your naked skin?



Of course I mean sans the itchy woolen get-up...